NORMALIZING UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS, STRESSFUL EXPERIENCES, LOSSES, AND TOXICITY
leads to an up-regulated nervous system with our “foot pressed down on the accelerator” and life is lived in a constant state of sympathetic nervous system surges. An up-regulated nervous system, pushing high speeds, leads to overwhelm, as our braking system (parasympathetic nervous system) cannot counteract the sympathetic surges. The accelerator gets “stuck”, so to speak, and this is experienced as “normal” day-to-day functioning. Poor heartrate variability is noted in life lived in this high stress state, which is indicative of poorer functioning physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Our operating system cannot handle this situation on an extended basis, and physical and emotional and spiritual symptoms of burnout begin to manifest - poor sleep, fatigue/exhaustion, loss of meaning and purpose, worse pain symptoms, inability to focus, poor memory, depression, anxiety and more. In chronic stress situations, we experience suffering - others' suffering and our own suffering.
Down regulating an up-regulated nervous system is a first step in starting to address the stress and burnout found in those who have “been walking through water daily” and who are acknowledging that they are actually “wet.”
Naming unrealistic expectations honestly and not holding oneself accountable to continue to meet unrealistic expectations starts “applying the brakes.” Looking at what is expected of you and determining whether it is realistic or unrealistic starts the process for a more manageable and meaningful life.
Our health is impacted in complex ways through physical, emotional, and spiritual dimensions of our life. Unrealistic Expectations, Losses, Toxicity (in relationships, in the workplace) all affect us on the emotional level, causing a chronic stress response, which then impacts us physically and spiritually. As we approach health from an integrative standpoint, we look at all aspects of our life that can improve our well-being. Because each dimension interacts with the others, improving one area can impact the others. So, when we are struggling with less-than-ideal emotional well-being, a vigorous walk or biking, or extra sleep can positively impact our emotional well-being. ("Move a muscle, move a thought"). When physically we are struggling, an emotionally enriching encounter that provides connectivity and support can improve our physical symptoms and actually decrease our pain. When meaning and purpose are lacking (part of spiritual well-being), attending to physical and emotional health can be an avenue in to creating more opportunity for meaning and purpose to manifest. Health is all about choosing actions that support the well-being of body-mind-spirit.
What else can help to down-regulate a stressed, up-regulated nervous system? Try incorporating actions and activities that involve each dimension - - physical, emotional, and spiritual. The goal is to get the parasympathetic nervous system engaged and elicit the body's normal relaxation response.
Physical: A 4-7-8 Breathing Technique can directly engage the breaking system. Breath in for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 7, exhale slowly and steady with tongue tip at roof of mouth with an audible "whooshing" sound for a count of 8. Do this for 3 or 4 breaths in a row. Slowly and intentionally. Focusing only on your breathing. This engages the relaxation response and "applies the breaks".
Emotional: A Quick Coherence technique combines physical and emotional:
STEP 1: Heart Focused Breathing: Focus your attention in the area of your heart. Imagine your breath is flowing in and out of your heart or chest area. Breathing a little slower and deeper than usual. (Suggestion breath in 5 seconds and breath out 5 seconds).
STEP 2: Activate a Positive or Renewing Feeling: Make a sincere attempt to experience a positive or regenerative feeling, such as appreciation or care for someone or something in your life. It can be a memory, or a special place, or person. Sink into the feeling. Relive it. Experience it in the now. Gratitude, love, compassion, joy and other positive emotions have the power to engage the relaxation response.
STEP 3: Radiate that renewing feeling to yourself and others.
Spiritual: "Aliveness" is a component of our spiritual health. It speaks to meaning and purpose in our lives. What activity or interaction brings you alive? What brings you joy? Is it gathering with friends? Is it reflection time alone? Is it time in nature or perhaps in an athletic activity? Perhaps it is a meaningful conversation or an act of service., Each person is unique in what brings them that feeling and experience of "aliveness". Some people have a hard time naming what brings them alive - this just creates an opportunity for some self-discovery. Choose something today that can bring that spark of joy and "aliveness". Choosing something each day that brings joy or aliveness is crucial for spiritual health.
REFLECTION: What are some unrealistic expectations you are actively attempting to meet?
Are these self-imposed or imposed upon you?
What can you do to create more manageability regarding these expectations?
What are some specific actions you can take to lift your foot from the gas pedal and slow down?
What physical activities bring about a sense of well-being for you?
What brings you alive?
Dr. Karen M. Willenbring MD
On^Point Integrative Medicine
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